It's Not Business, It's Personal

I’ve been MIA, I know.

Well, nothing ever really goes ‘as planned,’ and I’ve come to the realization that you’ve got to roll with the punches, even when you’re shivering in the corner of the ring and the literal shit is being pounded out of every orifice of your body. Roll with it. Understand that there’s a lesson to be learned here, and figure out how to not die. I’m pretty sure every entrepreneur understands that there is not much of a distinction between personal life and business life. Often enough, especially when first starting out, they’re one in the same, or at BEST, a blurred line between the two (not unlike that fuzzy feeling of having one drink too many). There isn’t much of a start or a stop, it’s just a constant state of “GO TIME.” Couple starting a business from scratch, with two kids under the age of 7 at home, and a separation, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for complete burnout if you’re not careful.

Anyone who knows me knows I’ve had my battles with depression and anxiety that landed my ass in an ambulance and ultimately the hospital for 7 hours of terrifying tests to make sure the pains in my chest weren’t going to kill me. That happened in August of 2021 and it was by far the worst, scariest, most eye-opening week of my life, and I decided to make some serious life changes, resulting in my ultimate departure from the seventh circle of hell (my corporate job), and landing myself the entrepreneurship journey of a lifetime. It also magnified issues in my personal life that were already glaringly obvious and should have been dealt with years ago but were swept under the rug because I was too scared to deal with reality. So… this being the short version of it all, I’ll just come out and say my husband and I have decided to part ways.

I had to take about a 10-minute break after writing those words.

The reason it’s so hard to come out and say, especially using this platform, is because you might think that my personal life has nothing to do with my business, but that’s not the case at all. I’m the only person who can run my business. I don’t have a team of minions to do my bidding (yet), so when I don’t have the capacity to post on social media, do any sort of promoting or marketing, write my blogs, send out emails, think of creative ways to engage with my clients, create new content or new recipes, or stay on top of everything that needs to be done – I lose. Needless to say, for 4 months, most of the “niceties” of my business have taken a back seat to the insanity of my personal life, and I finally feel I’m in a place to both share, and move past it all (from a business perspective). I’m not going to get into all the details of my life, but the holidays have been especially tough; trying to spend as much time with my kids as possible, while juggling the legalities of separation, logistics of moving out and moving on, trying to prioritize my health as much as possible, and keeping my business afloat by doing the BARE minimum required. I’m not going to lie, it’s been stressful as fuck (pardon my French). And I’m ready to pour my heart and soul into everything in life and live each day with purpose.

I’m publishing this in the first week of January because it has given me time to reflect on the past year, and set new goals, both personally and professionally. One of those goals is to keep up with this blog on a regular basis and actually get to document this journey for anybody who may be interested. That said, I’m writing this more for myself than for anybody else, because as much as this is quite honestly the hardest time of my life, it’s also the fullest, the busiest, the most rewarding and likely full of some of the most memorable moments I’ve ever lived. At this time last year I was still working my corporate job, relieved at the knowledge that it was all coming to an end, but stressed out about the financial implications that decision will have made. In the months following, I did some pretty deep self-reflection, took the summer off of reality, trained for and completed my very first triathlon, spent as much time with my kids as I could, broke the news to my family that I was going to be ending my marriage, have cried more than I ever thought possible, have loved more than I thought I ever could, began healing holes in my heart, got even closer with my family, grew my business, found a store-front (FINALLY), and poured my life savings into renovating and creating something I’ve been dreaming about for 20 years… Holy shit.

Sometimes I stop and take a look around me and everything seems so surreal. I’m so blessed to have this life, and to have people who have supported me through thick and thin, mentally, emotionally, financially, EVERYTHING-LY. I remember sitting on the floor in the middle of my shop when I first got the keys, crying, panicking and wondering what the hell was I thinking… And then I took a step back and remembered something from one of my favourite books that I read to my kids (especially my son). It’s from “Worrysaurus” by Rachel Bright:

Don’t you worry now, my lovely, you must try not to fret
If it’s not a happy ending, then it hasn’t ended yet

This is where I leave you for now, friends. If you’ve made it this far, thank you. I appreciate you more than you know.